Psalm 139

I went to BSF Bible Study this morning, met with some beautiful friends, am blessed beyond measure by a Heavenly Father who loves me so much, but the truth??  I am struggling.  Tears threaten to overflow.  I'm tired to the bone,  couldn't engage much this morning in our small group, and overwhelmed by the curves life has thrown us.  I shouldn't let these things get to me, but they do. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be so transparent, but I am.  I can never be accused of not being real!  :)  I am one of those people who tend to compare myself with others, and I shouldn't.  The father of lies whispers in my ear that I'm not deep enough, smart enough or good enough. He tries to get me to doubt God's plan.......I don't know what it is, but I know He has one. The way I get through life is relying on the love of my Father.  I tend to focus on God's great love for me because that's what carries me.  I remember when my Aunt Char said, "As soon as the devil opens his mouth you know he's lying!"  He can't tell the truth.  I'm glad I KNOW this truth, and how I miss my Aunt Char!!!  :'( Today I need to talk to her and get her wisdom on how to deal with the current problems we are facing.  Today I need to hear her belly laugh that lets me know everything is going to be alright.  Today I need her as my prayer warrior.  I've lost family and friends before, but she is the closest person to me that I have ever lost, and it still hurts over 5 years later.  I think of her often!

Okay, enough about me.  I wanna post one of my favorite Scriptures from the Bible that is always such an encouragement to my heart, and I hope it is an encouragement to yours!  :)

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Love,

Me  :)

Seasons...

I was reflecting on the season that Roy and I have been in for the past couple years. We've been through some pretty tough stuff.  Thinking about the difficult trials we have endured spawned memories of my battle with illness of all kinds that I walked around with for far too long due to an undiagnosed disease a number of years ago. I suffered multiple physical illnesses, mental and emotional illness and spiritual illness.  I had thyroid disease (later discovered to be Hashimoto's), Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, Panic Attacks and an underlying disease that nobody suspected.  I was tested for all kinds of things until one day the connection was made.  I had Celiac Disease.  During that difficult time in my life, I went through horrible spiritual oppression. Demonic attacks from the pit of hell plagued me.  I recently had a small episode that instilled fear in me that I knew I couldn't bear again.  I started repeating the name of Jesus, and the attack dissipated. The positive thing I have on my side now is spiritual growth, and the knowledge of how to handle these attempts by the devil to thwart my walk with Christ.  Another thing it reminded me of is the simple fact that he never gives up! It is Satan's mission to try and destroy Christians and the family unit.  He rocked our marriage when I was sick, and he's rocking our family now.  Please pray for us that God would bring healing and restoration, and that blinders that need to fall off would fall.  Pray that the strongholds the devil has in place would come crashing down.  We want relationships restored properly.  It's never fun as a parent to go through tough times with your children.  I know God has a plan, and it is perfect. It's just hard to see right now.

Seasons of difficulty and struggle are the things God uses to bring us to a closer, much more dependant relationship with Him.  I know for me He wanted my trust and my adoring love.  Faith is challenging.  It's hard feeling like you are drowning in wave after wave knowing you need to just reach out and take the Father's hand. He's right there.......waiting.  It's not hard for Him.  It's hard for us.  We have ourselves to hurdle over.  That's it.  We are the obstacle to our own failures or the stepping stone to our own triumphs.  He's just right there patiently waiting, encouraging, reaching and, yes, sometimes even disciplining.   I love how He loves me.  I love that He loves me so much He allowed me to go through some of the most hellish, difficult times ever to bring me closer to Him so I could know how He loves me.  I thank God for trials for without them I would not know the depth of His grace, mercy and LOVE for me!  It is my desire that God is always glorified in my weaknesses and in my tribulations.  Like Paul, I want to share my weaknesses and struggles with others so that Christ's power can work through me, and that He can use me to be a blessing to someone else who needs to know that He loves and cares for them!

2 Corinthins 12:9, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.



Love,
Me :)

How Great Is Our Father's Love For Us!

June 8, 1991, I married my best friend. Little did I know when I said "I Do" and "For better or worse, in sickness and in health" that we'd go through so much in our short marriage of just over 24 years. We've had our "for better", and we've had our "for worse". We've done the "sickness and in health" thing. We've been on one crazy ride! The only constant in our marriage is the One at the top of the triangle.........God! He has stayed at the top holding our geometric masterpiece together, and we have been all over the place inside that triangle of marriage. He has given us boundaries in which we could flounder around and grow up in Him. For that I am thankful! :) He is a perfect Father who allows His children to make mistakes, yet provides rules or boundaries which we need to follow. It's for our own protection. It keeps us safe from unsuspecting prowlers trying to steer us in the wrong direction.

It's the same with earthly parenting. We do our best to provide that triangle for our children.......parents at the top, children at the bottom floundering around as they grow up in our home. We provide them boundaries. We set rules for their own protection. We try to keep the unsuspecting prowlers out who are trying to steer them in the wrong direction. Unfortunately, we are not perfect like our Heavenly Father. We make mistakes. Entrusting our babies to our Heavenly Father is the only thing we have. He knows all, sees all, and has a plan far beyond our wildest dreams. It's hard, and it hurts sometimes. There is no greater pain for a parent than a child who won't heed their advice and turns away from them causing relational destruction. It's our prayer and hope that God is at work in the life or lives of these children, and that He will bring healing and restoration. What so many kids can't seem to comprehend is that their parents have their best interests at heart. We only want what's best for them. It's the same with our Heavenly Father. He only wants what is best for us. He has our best interests at heart. He shapes and molds, we shape and mold. He disciplines and steers, we discipline and steer. He loves, we love.  It's my prayer that my children will know how much we love them and that love will win in the end!

"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!"
 1 John 3:1

Love this song by Selah "How Deep The Father's Love For Us".  Take a listen, and be encouraged!

https://youtu.be/1vmY2ztb5xc

Blessings,
Cindy